Resisting the Bullshit

I have a couple more blogs to post from my vacation, but today my blog is inspired by the last two weeks at work. As I mentioned in the last blog about my friendship, it seems that my friendship had settled into a nice place and I left it there. My friendship has been doing great ever since. Also, I am happy that I chose my life with my husband and son. So things there are great all around. However, this doesn’t take away from the challenges I face at work. When my friendship started, I was not prepared for it or the backlash I was about to get. I could see how some of the women I work with would be jealous as my friend is a good catch. But I even got backlash from men. I am not sure why, but a lot of people want my friend to like them so maybe they are jealous that he likes me. Whatever the reason, the backlash has been brutal. In hindsight, I am partially responsible for the backlash. I thought I needed verification from others that my friendship was real so I confided in some friends. It was an emotional time for me and I didn’t know what to make of my friendship. To my disappointment some of those friends, like snake, turned out to be frauds. On the bright side, I was able to ferret out a number of false friends. Unfortunately, I went through a lot of trouble to do it.

While I was on maternity leave, I had a lot of time to think about my friendship. My big decision was to put my ego aside and not worry about what the outside world thought. What matters is what he and I think. I don’t need to prove my friendship to anyone. I wasn’t even sure what the state of my friendship was before I returned to work. Initially, I thought my friendship was over but by the time I left on vacation my friendship was in a good place. Then upon returning from vacation, it feels like it is back on track. What this means, I’m not exactly sure. It’s just an awesome thing with an unclear path. Whatever happens happens. I was so distracted by this that I wasn’t prepared for the backlash. On Monday, it started. At first, it was a minor incident where a new nurse was talking about my friend and implied he had been flirting with her. In spite of myself, I was immediately pissed off then to make matters worse I was sucked into a conversation about him with her. I didn’t say anything detrimental but I am mad at myself that I got caught. I have since realized that this girl is probably connected with toxic and was doing it intentionally to get under my skin. My reaction was a visceral reaction to her passive-aggressiveness so I was right to trust my intuition. Then on Friday, I had a run-in with one of toxic’s crew Crazy. The first incident she tried to undermine my friendship by saying he made a negative response to me during a conversation I was having with him. Much to my surprise, I had an outer-body moment and I realized that she inadvertently admitted that she was eavesdropping on my conversation with him. Second, she very rudely patronized me in-front of him. I had another outer-body moment, where I realized there was no reason to get into a power struggle with her. She was trying to impress him by patronizing me. I reminded myself I have to trust him and our friendship and know that he won’t buy into it and it won’t affect our friendship. So I let it go. I am still irritated that Crazy will probably relay the story to Toxic and whoever she is associating with now. And I have no doubt that whichever version she tells (not a truthful one) I won’t come off good in it. I have no idea which of my coworkers will be part of this conversation and engage in the associated gossip. However, there is no use fighting about it. Fighting about it or trying to prove her wrong will only add fuel to the fire. There will likely always be rumors out there but hopefully people will get bored and move on. I have to hold strong and resist getting sucked into the bullshit.


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